Advice To A Lovelorn Man

Well, you’re encouraging me,
So it’s tempting to play
‘Relationship doctor’!

God know, you obviously
Need to get your humour back.
SO! To continue:

Be like two seals where
You have caught lots of fish for her –
BUT enjoy her eating the fish MORE

Than times of ‘giving her a fish!
And don’t take it personally AT ALL
If she hands you one back once in a while!

You don’t WANT to control her attention with your love,
Just come up with another, more modest fish to offer her,
A twinkle in your eye that shows you can handle a few hurts.

Seal women eating fish are such delights
It’s okay it takes a bit of effort,
Mostly in keeping one’s mouth shut,

Remembering to ask questions and be a gentleman:
‘Would you like another fish?’
All good bro, we’re in the same game,

Getting over women who hurt and being reminded
We can still have some fun and not get so ‘bowled’ again.
Trust the swings and the roundabouts and childish charm.

Why not, it works, just don’t go serious about it,
It’s not a badge of honour.
The real fights for love are with ourselves.

Pecan Pie

If your fanny was a pecan and raspberry homecooked pie
I’d be licking the place where those two wings came together
Tasting the blending of pecan and berry
The bloodraging joyousness of your pleasure inflaming me
The crisp cool biscuitcrumb of the pastry topping
And the dive into pecanpie nuthoney treasure



Image Credit: Robbie DonagheyRobby Donaghey21

Rage Rune (‘Rune’ (2007) ‘revision’ as ‘translation’)

Ravenrage diabolus crucifix knife
(Middle Ages heathen/pagan/country folk angry at Christianity’s invasive force)

Hungred hunted the throth bound remain.
(We bound by the truth have been hunted and are hungry)

Inkquire peatbog in lumen light
(Exiled to peat bogs and dim marshes, we have cause to question fate)

Whenced cry carren chillen in hand.
(Where and how are our distant children carried by their mothers?)

Yestered homeheart beat no moren fire.
(Yesterday’s – times of yore – homes are no longer lit with hearthfires)

Trackened marshwood their steps falterbear.
(Tracked and hunted in the marshes, their feet falter, then they bear up again)

Morst to me now inthen grast the chillen carren
(It has been my experience too at times, to take the children, carry them)

Carren cross sarnt the night naughts to them.
(It is nothing to these children, this cross that you carry)

Weast hathoer owne abiden book resplayn.
(We have our own resplendent and holy book that abides with us)

Tays the stories woven webs o oer clayin.
(It tells the stories our ancestors have woven over many generations of ‘clay’)

Noed need orsfor hammer sin crossbladen book.
(We have no need for a hammer and crossblade-sin-laden book)

Curn in deathmartyrs throes aftine crust masters cruik.
(Churned out from the death of martyrs and the high priests’ crooked power)

Callered light crowerd cowl beats ashame.
(Many meanings: Our light may be diminished under cowls of darkness, we may seem like cowering crowds, cowards, but the hallowed light glints on our beaks like dark crows of light all the same…)

Moren men suchas like wi no name.
(And there are many more men such as us who have been robbed of good name)

Send tha hundread ahunt ferus here.
(So send you a hundred or more to hunt for us – the feral – here)

Thas wimin carren chillen in theys nayre ayear
(Those/these women have carried their children like refugees for nearly a year)

Theysorl carryairn sweet dearones agin.
(They – those all – will carry all their dear sweet ones again)

Romen crossern nayst acallered them in.
(This Roman Empire religion of the Cross won’t call/collar/corral them in)

Ahd curlin acornkindred moon enda myne.
(And I’ve curled under the trees and moon with my kind wife and my children/kin)

Adepped as asleept in nowre plumered clouerwine.
(Adept as I, as they have slept peacefully in our plumed and plum red clear and coloured wine of dreamtime)

Cries onye thaes noosehaltered hounds.
(Cry on all those of yours death-serving tracking hounddogs, straining at their noose-like leashes)

Nae sons daughters wies owre’en us thattheys bound
(No sons or daughter or wives of ours – or us – that you might catch and bind)

Will gead wyrds to thae cawr book.
(Will give/cede words to your (thy) coward’s book)

Thaes hang deatheyes ofteare kindred avain.
(Yes, you hang and give death eyes to our dear kin in vain)

Ours alongain runningean faers a’ wimin
(Our a-long-time running and gaining ancient fair ones (faery children) and women)

Eyn carreyn chirren weast towr remain.
(Who have always carried the children will always – in the west tower – remain)


The Elizabethan era (1558–1603) – epoch in the Tudor period
Of the history of England during the reign of Queen Elizabeth I.
Historians often depict it as the golden age in English history.
The Vegan era (2018-2063) – epoch in the Modern period
Of the history of Earth during the reign of Vegan Central.
Historians often depict it as the golden age in Earth history.

My Cat

I jump, suddenly distracted by his petitioning meiow.
I turn, annoyed by the carnivorous edge to that whine.

‘What!?’ I say, ‘I’ve already fed you! Just an hour ago!
He stops and stares back, transfixed by my odd reaction.

I stop and stare back, and we understand each other.
Yeah, I’m the vegan, and you’re the carnivore.

It’s not your job to scare me.



Mother Gaia
Mother Earth
Mater Gaia

We understand
You are not angry
You are unwell

And we are the cause
Of your unwellness.

You heal to maintain
The perfect homeostasis of your beauty.

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