I release my need
For the woman I want
And want instead
The woman I need
I release my need
I release my need
For the woman I want
And want instead
The woman I need
To get into me
And I to get into you.
We whip it up so well
Between us, we
Frighten off the world.
And it leaves
Us in the garden
Naked, playing Chasey
You racing round the
Apple tree, just
Slipping in front of me.
Pudendal cleft (Cleft of Venus)
My love’s (mon amour)
Purse of pussy lips
Goddess garden grotto.
Mound of Venus (mons pubis)
Covered in wave of soft hairs
Tongue licking up left and right
Interlabial sulcus valley grooves
Of softest skin.
From the bottom starting place
Singular bass-note dark dark-of-the-moon
Butt-on-hole, touching down and in where
Luscious labia lips part at fourchette.
Then inside such cleft edges
Majora then minora then vulvar vestible
To frenulum clitoridis and clitoral hood, the
Feminine foreskin, then little woman in the boat.
The garden is growing.
The garden IS growing.
Growing is what a garden IS.
The garden is like Eden.
The garden is guarded by angels hovering
Above the four gates holding swords of flame.
Inside the gates the garden grows, generously.
We are grateful for the garden’s growthfulness.
We are bestowed with what grows in the garden.
The garden is dying.
The leaves of the young tamarillo tree
Lean down, limp and fringed with brown.
You planted that tree. I was stricken with concern.
I hadn’t seen it fading – only a day or so ago it seems,
It was looking so green, garrulous and go-getting.
You planted it only a few weeks before we parted.
I was stricken. I poured a large bucket of water
Against the woody stem: one of the broad leaves
Broke off and fell to the ground as I glanced it.
Now not even the ways I want to help seem to matter.
I hadn’t seen it, I’m sorry, I hadn’t seen it was dying.
You don’t know how much the garden has been growing.
You don’t know how the large broad leaves are lost.
The garden is growing.
The garden is dying.
If you came back you’d say the garden was still ours.
But the angels with flaming swords wouldn’t let you in.
In your hair are a hundred
Billion galaxies we know of
in the Expanding Universe
~ ~ ~
In the fringes of thy infinity
Is your halo aura of love
Blue light in the sky above me
~ ~ ~
In your cheeks are the fires
Of a thousand melting volcanoes
~ ~ ~
The rosy glow of a Goddess
Of infinite creation and a God
Of Ultimate Authority
~ ~ ~
As the Cosmos and Cosmic
Are tended in your Consciousness
By the fires of your Heart
~ ~ ~
In me in adoration of you
You are infinitely the part
And whole of me Thou Art
The face of a cosmos of blue light supernova
Was framed by a large heart-shaped metal frame
That had fractal fingers of bronze and silver
Reaching into the frame in fractal calibrations
Like tendrils in time folding in adoration
For this flower-framed face of blue light adoration
Beaming blue light in our eyes and on our cheeks
The light turned rosy at the edges as the flowers
Look like roses spiralling into synchronous centres
Of fractal formations in infinity all possibility
And all combinations of divine face or visage
The luminous light-filled framed face of blue cosmos
The rosy fringe glow of blood rose adoration
The background like fire of a rose risen rare sunrise
All cosmos aglow in fractal collaborations of movement
The ebb and the flow the centre the smile of creation
(for Jessamine, and sourced from a visionary journey)
1. The Journey from the Cave
The front of the boat taps the rocks by the shoreline
As it dips to and fro on the most gentle of waves.
The underside of the wooden craft
Dances with the light reflected from the water
That also reflects from the walls of the surrounding cave.
In the distance the mouth of the cave
Is a dazzling flood of sunlight in contrast
To the deep black of the inner regions of the cave behind.
Only vaguely if you turned would you see
The lowermost steps of the winding stone staircase
From where you entered the cave to see what you would find.
And now before you is this vision,
The scrolled wooden prow of the sweetest of coracles,
The front covered over in painted tiles
And the open nest of the back of the hull
Surrounded by painted wooden petals like a crown.
The boat is wide and steady
As you clamber over the front and make your way to the back
Where on cushions and blankets you snuggle down.
With your weight like a pivot
The small vessel swings around,
The mouth of the cave is just wide enough
And the sunlight eats the boat like a long hot swallow.
Tall trees clash in many colours of green
As you blink your eyes fiercely in the expanding scene,
And behind playfully racing and overlapping waves
You and your coracle follow.
Twenty butterflies take flight from the banks of the river
And imitate your eyelids as in fright they deliver
Orange flashes of light above the cool blue of the water.
And with hands holding steady the smooth petalled sides of the boat
You look all around at the magnificent scenery
As you float to the sea my daughter.
2. Across the Sea
Entranced by this enchanting land,
With firm cushions below and a steadying hand,
It doesn’t surprise you to find that the boat expands
As the distance to the banks grows wider.
From the place where you sit she lengthens and deepens
And tall masts grow like odd trees
Til they’re furnished with pale sails to guide her.
The sides of the craft heave left and right and several sections extend
With long oars dropping down dipping into the blue.
So like a salamander sliding the whole ship comes alive
As she flexibly weaves her great length through the waves,
The oars digging in like toes as the wide open sea comes into view.
The crown of wooden petals that surround your living quarters
Have become burnished with gold and silver and brass and other metals.
They’re like pointed shields to protect the deck
Where you gaze with adoration on the horizon beyond
Where on the wide open sea sunlight settles.
Your sailing ship glides on an outgoing tide
And continues to creak and grow
Such that the sides lift high with overlapping plates
Like a dinosaur’s hide but jewelled and glowing.
The bow of the ship leads the way
And the other sections sway til the end like a tail follows the bending trail
Of this ship that seems to know where it’s going.
3. Arriving at the City
As this ship grows does too the wide-brimmed view
Of the curving horizon and banners of land
That recede on the edges of this world.
And in the distance you see the tall spires of the place
Called the Infinite City growing apace, til the points seem to fan
Like an opening hand with welcoming flags unfurled.
The wharves of the port are also like fingers of hands
Fanning into the water and past many points of land,
Where coloured lighthouses stand, your ship and you pass
Til you realize at last that this city covers miles of coastline.
The ship knows the way, and past balconies arrayed
Like overlapping scales of giant fish facing skyward
And other such fat towers of light,
It finally finds a curving berth and from its own wide girth
Throws ropes to be on its posts tied.
There are welcoming beings of light,
And as others arrive they hold their hands high in greeting
To nearly touch at their fingertips.
And when two meet in this way a sudden large Orb of light appears
Touching both their hands, and in ghostly images
Are seen all other’s waving hands too, a flickering solar-flaring sphere
Affirming the unity of their kinship.
As you step off the ship you see a large, long wheeled vehicle
With a huge enamelled eye rolling slowly
On its pivot at the front of the open-topped conveyance.
But this must be for dignitaries, as you feel to make your way
To the left along courtyards where great shafts of coloured light
Break through the tiles revealing that down
Below such ground are more infinite levels and layers.
4. Finding the Dancers
Between the many levels and connecting the overarching towers
Are curving bridges with elegant balustrades and lightposts.
As you walk over such a one it seems to notice your steps
And stretches and grows in infinite details,
That you suppose that, as with the beings of light,
Even the architectural elements itself are your kind hosts.
And other tall beings smile and greet you in silent ways
And the streets widen to meet you and in the multi-faceted alleyways
Doorways grow under arching doorways
And broad steps become terraces with changing colourful tiles.
Alongside a windowed wall on your right one such alleyway
Reveals the sight of a welcoming guardian standing to the left
Of a series of entranceways in various styles.
Perhaps the evening here comes in fast, for from the entrance
Comes such a blast of warm friendly sound and radiating light
That it seems natural for you to pass under the arches
And enter this place as though arrived at last.
The space opens up under canopies of light
With tall fluted columns stretching up beyond sight
And the sound is the music of dancing in pairs
And among friendly faces you are cast.
The men dance with the men, and the women with women,
But also there are many intimate couples lining the spaces
Between marbled columns in this ceremonial play.
All of the pairs have their hands stretched outward
And palms and arms touching and some with their heads,
Such that the overwhelming effect is you feel that the very air
Seems to say ‘I will find my partner’ in this way.
5. Journey to the Lake
Is that how you came to be walking the next morning
With this compelling awareness in your head –
That everything around you seems to be paired,
Your dreaming head cleared of all thoughts but this one?
Is that why you walk by the banks of a stream,
The sides a similar height and sheen of pastel rocks
Embedded in brown soil under mossy green grasses
And the arms of the trees dividing the soft light of the sun?
The air seems to fill with the trilling of birds
That spill from the branches in spiralling twos,
And even the daisies nod in pairs from clusters in the earth
By pebbles and rocks that coupled touch shoulders together.
A dawning awareness grows of how you chose to journey
To this land to seek out one here who’d understand
And who could show you where to find your partner –
Not man nor woman but inner companion, companion in any weather.
To find your inner companion, the ‘other’,
You must first find the ‘one’, the Queen of this land
Who lives far from the city in the hills of the countryside.
So you wander old roads past the croaking of toads
And the rustling of grasses and rushes and flaxes
And your mind now relaxes around the thought
That you have no idea where she might reside.
White mountains in the distance spread their arms and their fingers
And you look out for signs of the twoness of things.
Then round a bend you are suddenly met
With the magnificent scene of a lake
Reflecting perfectly the mountains above
And with the vision of this final ‘pairing’ you hear your heart sing.
6. Meeting the War Queen
On the side of the lake pale green trees reflect
Like a fringe around a collar of rocks and the earth rises up
In broad ramparts leading to a courtyard of stone.
Behind this is an irregular and angular doorway
Vast in its measure such that when you draw nearer
It is easy to see deep into the structure
To the golden War Queen seated on a throne.
In front of her a fountain is set low in a pool
Where a broad silver sword is laid in the water,
The image rippling rapidly spilling light in the room.
So that when you now enter
You can see spindled threads of light dancing on the tiled dome ceiling
Amid clouds of incense thick with perfume.
You follow the rich carpet that curves around the pool
And the Queen warmly greets you like you’ve always been expected
And tells you not to be dejected that there’s a war going on.
It’s true, she says, that we’re in a difficult phase
But there’s never been a day when the war wasn’t raging,
And the conclusion of battles is always foregone.
We always win as is the way of things,
So there’s always time for a feast and welcome celebration
Now that you’re here at the end of your quest.
And there will never ever be war in this place of the palace
Where I sit on my throne nor ever in this land out through the doorway
So please put your mind at rest.
7. Knowledge of the Other Worlds
Sitting on the soft circular carpet by the pool,
The Queen dines with you on a range of sweet treats
While her battle shield leans on the throne behind.
Looking around to the distant points of the room
You see several stairs leading down through openings in the floor
Like to far-lower doors full of dirt and grime.
And you know there’s a world through those thick wooden doors
Where the dark hills are surmounted
By thousands of crosses for those who have died in war.
But at this the Queen touches your shoulder and says that all such beings are One,
And though that they may pass they return again and again,
And for every one that dies as many more they are reborn.
We die freely, she says, to find we multiply,
And as related brothers and sisters we live again as many more.
And indeed many more different worlds there are too,
So we pass through experiences vast
Like the multiple arches in the Infinite City you explored.
For the swords we use are never abused
With the stain of dirt or blood because each warrior has their own
And it is kept shining bright with a special polish.
The weapon is only used in battle
To reflect the wondrous light-filled Orb of Oneness,
Such that by such sudden flash the opposing dark beings are transformed –
That’s the only reason the swords are flourished.
8. Meeting the Companion
And with that the War Queen hands you the broad silver sword
From the pool at the centre of the room and asks you to look up again
At the wide dome ceiling which has now changed its view.
The fountain has lowered to below the surface of the pool
And now it settles til still, and above your heads
Is a circle of light stretching flat and level, pale blue in hue.
Your task, says the Queen, is to keep this horizontal plane of light
Level with the natural power of your mind and will,
And to help you is a companion from my realm who will battle for you.
When you sail in your craft back to the furthest shore
You will pass by the giant trees of plenty,
So wait for a while til the fruits drop by themselves –
Like we, be patient to be given to.
Eat five golden fruit from these trees
Such that good fortune will take root
And your craft will grow strong wings to add flight to your flow.
When it takes to the skies remember your companion warrior’s cry
And passing over the mountain range below,
Remember millions of snowflakes multiplied make up the purest snow.
Like millions of leaves that make up a tree,
Where each leaf is unique like the partner you seek,
Your companion will battle for the One in our land.
And with that the Queen stood up and moved to a door
Hidden behind the golden throne,
And when she opened it up,
There was your companion and partner and warrior
Who reaches out now to take your hand.
and I on the ground
beneath you, loving you with my eyes
Can we not find each other’s surprise?
conceal, the days
…we used to run through grass
only time has passed; no strangers
to each other now
the same delight, the moonlight, the beach
we cannot reach…into..somehow…
And I on the wave
You in the sea, for me for me for me
And you, yes
my love I’d do anything for you
you for me, save
the days now faded in time
For we have still to find our way
in ceaseless entwine
the days ahead
the same delight a changed insight
and love, my Love, I’m only so new
Will you see us now, no longer me
and us on the tide of time just starting to be free?
(Note: refers to a time when, awaking from chaotic dreams of medieval chaos and ruin, I recalled a happy memory to calm me. I remembered a time at the lights in Newmarket with my lover, when she asked for her ‘drug’, and I kissed her, thinking impulsively she meant ‘me’. Two guys in a van behind us clapped – such romantic spirit? My lover explained after that it was a cigarette she meant. In the poem this memory is translated into medieval garb from the dream traces).
Carrouselled past Shavian
Flowersellers, to days of when
Medieval knights and damsels
Fled from evil sights to castles,
And past bombardment of quaking towers
The last enchantment, for waking now,
My dreams have gone, and I’ve lost the battle,
And streams of consciousness now grapple
With thoughts of sleep and safety’s shore
For fraught with deep pangs greatly more
Of love and loneliness, my mind
A dove on a lonely quest to find
Of when we
Reminisced when, on trusty steed,
The damsel was kissed, when just such a deed
Was requested of the prince, who confused the words
In the message rather, since it amused the bards
In the minstrel troupe behind, who clapped for more
And the damsel looked blind to what the kiss was for.
Not a kiss was the request for the task, nor a hug,
But for Turkish cigarettes when she asked for her ‘drug’.
And awakening to memory, I welcome reality.
In taking you with me in my dreams, you are in me.